Focus I

Understanding the Loss:
What Happened?


Understanding what happened & finding its place in your life story

What this is about

Key questions in coaching

  • What exactly happened?
  • How did I feel during this time, what did it do to me?
  • What story am I telling myself about it, and how do I make sense of it?
  • How can I integrate this into my life story?

Maybe some of these thoughts sound familiar?

  • “It’s as if someone has pulled the rug out from under me – I just don’t understand how all of this happened and why it had to be me.”
  • “The same movie keeps playing over and over in my head. I can’t escape from this story.”
  • “Rationally, I understand that this happened, but part of me just won’t accept it. It keeps thinking: This is just a nightmare or a mistake – any moment now he/she will come walking through that door just like always…”

If these thoughts feel familiar, this might be a good place to begin as we start working together.

Even though we may understand what has happened on a rational level, it often takes more than that to truly come to terms with it: time and space to gently look at what occurred and how we experienced it. And often, too, a little courage and trust in someone who can witness it and stay with us through it.

In this way, we can begin to weave what we’ve been through into the story of our life. Why does this matter? Because it allows us not only to look back at the chapters behind us – perhaps with longing, perhaps with gratitude – but also to find strength to look toward the next chapter. In other words: to find your own path in this changed life.

Core goals of coaching

  • You can talk about what happened without being completely overwhelmed.
  • Those possibly agonizing thought spirals and endless rumination over “Why” and “What if” begin to fade.
  • You are on your way to finding peace with the fact that some questions are allowed to remain unanswered.
  • You’re ready to tenderly start a new chapter, with clear understanding of how your lost loved one / the thing you lost will be part of that story – or perhaps won’t be.
  • You can accept what you experienced as a painful but important part of your life story.

“The goal isn’t to move on from grief, but to move forward with it as part of your story.”

MEGAN DEVINE